declaring my independence

Last week I celebrated an anniversary of survival. I guess maybe "celebrated' isn't the right word. But the day came and I stared it down and I made some peace and I acknowledged some peace that still hasn't come. Some peace that I must now hunt down and declare for myself. To myself. 

In my 750words that day I spilled truths for myself. Words and phrases that had been swirling in my head for some time. Maybe for all this time.

" I deserve to stop carrying around these f*#king body bags. The bodies heavy, the insides of them decayed and no longer salvageable. I want it. I do. This independence day I'm setting myself free. It is time."

and then "I'm burning it down and walking away. And turning to the things that heal only, if it's not beautiful or doesn't bring healing I don't want it anymore. None of it."

I thought about it all over this weekend, where we celebrate freedom and independence. There are some things that just really no longer allow me to be free. There are some things that I have become dependent upon that hold me tie me to the ground. Some of them good and some of them simply still around because they are familiar. It's too much for this gypsy mermaid girl. I need the freedom.

" I'm setting my boundaries and laying it all out and down. For me. I need this so badly. I need to let myself have the good things and walk away from those that aren't. I can't give to them anymore. They'll have to heal themselves."

I'm proclaiming freedom today. I'm cutting the string to things, people, food, phrases, whose time has come and gone. Things that were beautiful and good for a time. Whose purpose has been served and now it's time to let them float off into the sky.

For some it will be a quick snip and a sly grin as they go. For others I will have to crowd them out with better nourishing things. I'm keeping my eyes wide for what goes and what stays. But I know that this stuff I'm carrying around serves me no longer.

I'm not hiding it or skirting around it. I'm declaring it. This independence.

I took my love and I took it down

                                                                            My little brother and I

 

A couple weeks ago I made the trek back to my home state to witness my brother's wedding. One of the challenges of being a gypsy tribe that follows where our work leads, is the inability to go where we want, when we want. We spent a lot of the winter at the beach and in lay off. Which was so sweet and a bit of juggling hope and trust and fear. So we decided that I would make the trip alone. It was a strange and heavy decision but in hindsight I can see where it all was as it should be.

I grabbed a carry on bag, threw in a dress and set out. I both love and hate flying alone. I love putting on my headphones and tuning out all the sounds around me, I love the independence that I feel, and yet when turbulence hits I would like to be able to look into familiar eyes and seek solace. {Pretty sure this is a metaphor for life and love and all that there is.}

The weekend was so lovely. Truly. The weather was warm and sunny and the ceremony was full of stark beauty. There really is something about a wedding. The sweetness swirling about in the air, dripping like honey. I found some healing in places that needed healing and I left feeling lighter and refreshed, even in those 4 short days. It was a gift to be near family and friends after having not seen any of them for over 6 months.

I thought I'd share a little with you about the gems of my trip.

I read this book on the plane. I don't remember who recommended it when I put out a call for book suggestions, but it was perfect and it rekindled my desire to want to finish my nanowrimo book. It's a collection of short writings and stories and the perfect book for right before bed.

I used my oils like crazy. I can't believe that I've traveled without them before. Seriously. I slept in two different places on the weekend after catching a 6 am flight and then returning here at 1 am. I used OnGuard and peppermint on the soles of my feet each day. Also OnGuard on the back of my neck before I got on the plane. I sometimes get restless legs when I fly from sitting so long and from being tired, I used lavender on the back of each calf on the plane and I had no restlessness. My allergies flare when I'm back home, {I think it's all the spring newness growing and my body not being immune to the allergens I'm not around most.} I used Breathe and Lavender oils on my wrists each night when my nose felt itchy and I slept much better than I usually do being in a different place. {I am a girl who just really loves her own bed.} I have been facing some other health stuff that I want to share about soon and I used Frankincense and Cypress oils to help alleviate some of the pain that I was feeling. I have such gratitude for these oils and I know that I won't travel again without them.

I listened to Beck over and over, I had a couple playlists saved on my phone before I left but I just kept coming back to this album. It was so comforting to me.

I had a big search for my dress before I left. I wanted very much to buy this dress but it was never in stock in my size. {Until the day I got back home and got a notification it was back in stock} I struggle with finding clothes sometimes, I didn't have time to order anything from a couple Etsy shops where I had my eye on things. I am not always sure how to define my style, it's not really hippie as much as it used to be,  it's more boho but I really do love some glam. {Boho glam sounds right} It's something I've discovered about myself in the last few years. I love to watch makeup videos and get really cute. I ended up finding this little gem at Forever 21. I wore some gold sandals and it has now become one of my favorite pieces.

So that was a little peek into my trip of love.

I've got other stuff to share from the past couple weeks and I hope to do that soon. In the meantime, is anyone else feeling this Retrograde pull? I am in between cleaning out my space and wanting order and taking long unexpected naps. It's so bizarre to me, the pull and the ebb. I'm making some space this afternoon to just sit in it all. {And maybe watch one episode of Orange is the New Black}

I'm also spending some time this weekend on my words for this course. Which I CANNOT even wait for. I love these girls and I think this might be the best thing they've put together yet. I'm beyond thrilled to be a part of it.

what life looks like

This full moon has left me swirling. I've been quite in social spaces. Sitting with myself and witnessing with those I love.

I wanted to share a peek into my days, my moments. What the lab looks like right now.

Our RV park has a pool and most of the people here have left for the summer, flown back to their northern homes. We have this space to ourselves most days. Water, wherever I find it, heals me.

I'm within biking distance to the grocery store, it's reignited my love for riding my bike and there's something very soul filling about riding to the store and getting only what I need for that day, putting it in my basket and then riding across the street to Sta@rbucks for an Opr@h chai over ice.

My friend Danielle sent me this mermaid opener when I was landlocked a couple years ago. She knows my love for the depths and for mystery. I love it so.

I've been using essential oils for about 5 years now. I've slowly incorporated them more and more into our healing arsenal and I'm continually amazed at the way they help so very many things. This morning found me using them to help heal a sore puppy foot. There seriously is an oil for everything. I'd love to share more about them if you're new to them or have questions.

I've had several inquiries lately about our gypsy life. Do you have questions or curiosities about that? You can leave a comment or contact me directly and if there are enough of them I'll do a some posts around that.

This weekend will finding me packing for a quick trip back to the midwest, dipping my toes in more water and scouring the farmers market for greens and fruits. Tell me love, what does your life look like right now?