Using the Web "Selfishly"

I used to spend my time reading the blogs of other people and staring at beautiful photographs taken by other people. I was amused and entertained. I loved the pretty pictures and the eloquent words. I was an admirer for sure.

But then something shifted inside of me. I became weary of watching their children grow and their stories being told. I had become a voyeur and was simply being entertained by watching their lives unfold. However, I wanted more, I ached for more.

And with that shift I'm sitting here now. Pounding out words, my fingers unable to keep up with the things that soar through my head. It is no longer enough for me to read others words and see others photographs, I want my own experience. I want to taste and see things for myself.

Milagro Girl has spilled out of that. It's like everything was sitting inside of me, waiting to pour out and at first it was a choice as to whether or not I would make the room in my life for the words, but now, now it's different. If I don't share my truth, my voice and my body will wither up and die. I have to speak or I can't imagine living.

To do that I had to get wise with my internet time. I have to be intentional about where my eyes are cast and what I fill my mind with. I no longer walk away from the internet empty and bored. I seek out others who are doing the things that make their hearts soar. And I learn from them, but I still spend my time pushing myself and keeping my eyes on what my own vision is.

Now I fill my blog reader with things that not only inspire me, but that actually push me to be more "me" and to share more with the world. I have paired down my Facebook to people I really want to connect with, it may go against internet marketing, but it's working for me. I have these go-to places on the web that fuel me and make me want to create and I'm walking away from the pretty pictures and the snapshots of others lives. Don't get me wrong, I love a good photo or story as much as anyone. But it's not enough for me anymore to watch others create and soar. I want it for myself and I'm determined to hunt it down and to pull it out.