In true mermaid fashion I spent the last year in the deepest depths of the sea. I have seen things that my eyes could barely take in, I have stowed things into the corners of my heart, treasures and trinkets that I had no idea existed. And I have newly pink scars, from fighting the beast within and without. I have now come to the surface and taken my first deep breaths as my hair swirls around me and the sun hits my face. It has been a re-birth. This time in the womb of the ocean depths and now this new breathing pattern.
I have missed this space deeply. In the still moments of the night I longed to spill my words here but just the simple movement seemed to be too heavy to bear. My hands simply to heavy to lift. Numb at my sides. The words swallowed again for another time and the energy used to push forward and through.
I knew that if I waited the time would come. There was no choice but waiting. And it has come, the time to write again. The time for openness. The time for vulnerability.
It has taken only a few weeks back in my home and on the road for me to find my bearings again. To feel myself and to be able to sense the stirrings in my heart. They are becoming more familiar every day. I am getting my land legs and they feel stronger than ever and ready for more adventure, more stories to collect and more love to wrap themselves around.
I am thankful for it all. This last year in the mist. Thankful for the still darkness under the midnight sea. A few weeks ago there was mention that it had been a "wasted" year. And in (many) silent broken moments that felt true. That there had been no purpose in it, but in wholeness I realize that is never true. There is always a purpose. Even when I resisted that this could be true. There was a purpose. I just couldn't see it fully realized until now. And even to say that I realize it fully isn't true. There are parts of it that I do not understand at all. And may never. But I feel good to release even the inquiry because I'm here now, in deepest gratitude and admiration for the stories that have now been woven. I will make no apologies for letting this space fall silent. I will simply offer gratitude for those of you who have waited along side me and who have showed up now to continue to witness what it is my soul is pouring forth.